Ego or Fear?

'She stood silently; the words stuck in her throat. She wanted to say them out loud, She really did, but She didn't know how. She just hoped that time will help her be more free, more open and more fearless.'

What is it that keeps people from expressing themselves? I'm not talking about opinions, because opinions are still relatively easy to express. I'm talking about feelings, emotions. What is it that holds people back from acknowledging what they feel? 

If there is one thing I know about human nature, it is that we all have feelings. Some of us may deny it, may claim that nothing ever affects us, but that is just self-deception. We humans have the ability to think, and thus we have the ability to feel. And it is also human nature to want to express what we feel, to let people know what we really want to say. So then again, what is it that stops some of us from truly speaking out? And not just expressing love, I'm talking about revealing just about any emotion at all. 

It is often said that ego stops people from saying simple things like 'I'm sorry' or 'I miss you'. It is said that ego is the destroyer of all relations, ego is the barrier that separates you from others, that ego is the glass wall between you and the person standing right in front of you. Maybe that is true. Maybe it is just ego stopping people from being true to themselves and to others.

But is it just ego? Is it just pride, vanity and false self-image that stops you from speaking your heart? Or is it something much more deep rooted? Something like Fear? Fear of how people will react when you speak out, fear of whether people will still accept you for who you are. Fear that once you do speak what you feel, then those emotions will become too real, too vivid. That so many things will be at stake. Fear that your thoughts, once known and protected solely by your own mind will be known to someone outside of your control. After all, once you say something out loud, there is no going back. I have come to realize that everything is like a paper. Inside your mind, you write with a pencil. You can erase whatever you wish, whatever you are not comfortable with, and rewrite again and again. But outside of your mind, you write with a pen, sure you can use a whitener to cover up things, but that is when everything becomes a mess, when putting layers on layers just ruins the situation. 

So, what is the solution to this fear? First of all, is there a solution to this fear? When people ask you repeatedly to just speak what is on your mind, when they keep reassuring you that there will be no judgement whatsoever, maybe it might seem to them that they are encouraging you, but are they? Or is it just a form of torture? The constant forcing you to speak, speak, speak. Again, the truth is that no one can help you overcome this fear but yourself. People can reassure you all that they want, but at the end of the day, it is you who will have to decide that yes, you can trust this person and yes, you can be yourself. Because life is short, life is unpredictable, and life is a one-time opportunity. If you don't take any risk, do you even live? If you never express yourself, does anyone even know you? And if no one truly knows the real you, do you even leave a mark? Just something to think about...

 

Byee for now.